


Americans Learning French

by Ihatewriting



Series: Who said what in that little town somewhere in Colorado? [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Complete, Dialogue-Only, Français | French, Humor, M/M, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihatewriting/pseuds/Ihatewriting
Summary: Our four boys have a French test incoming... for some reasons, so they gathered to learn French.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Series: Who said what in that little town somewhere in Colorado? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688284
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Americans Learning French

**Author's Note:**

> I have no fucking idea where did I come up with this, I must be high or drunk beyond belief. There are only dialogues as I am practicing writing distinguished dialogues without using dialogue tags. The characters are presumed to be fourteen or fifteen years old. I tired to be as faithful to the characters as possible but OOC should still be expected. Contains offensive slurs. And no, I don't know French.

“No… no, listen! Listen Kenny! It’s pronounced: Ou la mort.”

“Hmm hmm hmm.” (Ou la mort.)

“See you did it! Now say it all together.”

“Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm… hmm… hmm hmm hmm?” (Liberté, égalité, fraternité… huh… O lei more?)

“I don’t get it. You got all the others but just not that one?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?” (Dude not all people are that good of a student! I know you learn and all but come on this is French! How the fuck could you be this good at it?)

“Study, Kenny, study.”

“Hmm hmm, hmm. Hmm hmm, hmm.” (Alright, mom. Will do, mom.)

“Just repeat after me. Ou, la, mort. Or death.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Ou yo mama, I am done. French is impossible.)

“Oh come on! You will fail the test!”

“Hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Screw it! It’s bullshit that we somehow need to learn French all the sudden! As if history is not bad enough!)

“Cartman will probably ace the test. Do you want to fail on a test which the fat ass will ace?”

“Hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (No, absolutely not.)

“Well then.”

“Hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Fine. Give me a kiss first.)

“No, I won’t.”

“Hmm hmm, hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Come on, Kyle, motivate me! Embrasse-moi.)

“Of course the only French you know is that…”

“Goddamn it.”

“Stan, you’ve been gone for way too long.”

“The fat one down there is driving me insane! I told him I got no food in the house, he said I am lying and there must be buckets of fried chicken lying around here somewhere, and I said no there isn’t any KFC, he screamed ‘Liar’, and I said just come back upstairs and he told me to go fuck myself.”

“I feel like you are just coming up with excuses to not learn French.”

“Hmm! Hmm hmm!” (Ha! Got’em!)

“No… why would I avoid that… love your teaching.”

“Stan.”

“Alright I was lying! I don’t want to learn French! It sounded like cans of worms fucking!”

“What is up you gaytards. Stan, your house actually sucks.”

“No one begged you to come?”

“Well, who else could teach you two retard French then?”

“Hmm.” (Kyle.)

“The Jew had to learn his way to French, unlike me, a fucking genius, know so many language to begin with.”

“So you can hire cheap Mexican workers.”

“Los hermanos saben cómo escribir un ensayo.”

“Oh shut it fat ass! Just teach Kenny how to pronounce that phrase. Do some good in your life for once!”

“Hmm hmm hmm? Hmm hmm hmm?” (Oh la more? Oh lei mot?)

“Kenny is retarded! He can’t be taught?”

“Hmm hmm.” (Fat ass.)

“Stan, sit down, running off isn’t an option anymore.”

“Kyle! I am just going to the restroom!”

“You’ve been to the restroom eight times for the last ten minutes.”

“Maybe he got a fucked bladder. Mauvaise vessie. Une très mauvaise vessie.”

“I really don’t get how you know so many languages…”

“Envy, Jew, cause I am a genius.”

“I can afford a fail! It is just one test! My GPA is high enough! My GPA is high enough, I don’t have a four, but I can take some hits, and fuck this! I am not having it!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Not after the test it ain’t.)

“Why would you want to fail a test Stan? Just sit down, you are being way too jumpy today. I could teach you.”

“Uh ah…”

“I will teach you.”

“Fine! Just get this over with... holy god! Christmas Carol!?”

“Un chant de Noël. Haha.”

“Hmm hmm hmm???” (The whole book???)

“I am getting a headache…”

“Are you alright? Dude, you look sick.”

“Hmm hmm hmm.” (He is drunk.)

“No. No. No. I am not drunk, don’t listen to Kenny.”

“Stan.”

“Alright I took a few shots down there… maybe more than intended... Fuck, I don’t want to learn French!”

“Dude it’s a huge test. I am helping you right now, no?”

“Yes… you are helping me.”

“We don’t have to go through The Christmas Carol right now. We can do an easier one… here, coming straight from a children’s text book.”

"Hmm hmm." (Read it.)

“Wait why?”

"Hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm." (Read it, I want to hear you reading it.)

“How are you gonna learn with only me reading it?”

“You pussying out, Jew? Don’t want to expose the fact your French actually sucks dicks?”

"Hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm?" (Just read it. We will listen, and that is learning. Isn’t that right, Stan?)

“Ah, yeah… yeah…”

“Fine. But listen! Or else I will just be wasting my time!”

"Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm?" (Yeah yeah yeah, just perform would ya?)

“Je m'appelle Angélica Summer, j'ai 12 ans et je suis canadienne…”

“Hahaha, fag!” 

“...Il y a 5 ans, ma famille et moi avons déménagé dans le sud de la France. Mon père, Frank Summer, est mécanicien ; il adore les voitures anciennes et collectionne les voitures miniatures. Ma mère s'appelle Emilie Summer; elle est infirmière dans un hôpital non loin de notre maison. Nous avons déménagé en France, parce qu'elle a toujours aimé la culture de ce pays. La vie en France est très différente de celle au Canada…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm?” (He is so cute when he is focused, isn’t he?)

“Dude, shut up.”

“Fag.”

“...Ici, il fait toujours chaud. Chaque dimanche, nous allons à la magnifique plage de Biarritz et nous achetons des glaces après avoir nagé dans la mer. Les Français sont très sympathiques et accueillants. Nous parlons français lorsque nous sommes dehors, à l'école ou au marché. Cependant, nous continuons de parler anglais à la maison, car mes parents ne veulent pas que je perde ma langue natale.”

“So goddamn easy! I can do that as well!”

"Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm." (No one wants to listen to you read, fat ass.)

“Well you don’t get to listen!”

“Hmm hmm, hmm hmm!” (Next one, next one!)

“Did you learn anything from it?”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (I learned plenty.)

“Stan?”

“Right! I learned a lot as well…”

“I feel like I am being duped… Le lundi, David reste toute la journée à l’école. Souvent, le soir, il pratique une activité musicale : le piano. Le mardi ressemble au lundi sauf qu’il n’y a pas d’activité après l’école, David rentre chez lui pour faire ses devoirs et se reposer. Il y a des régions où les enfants ne vont pas à l’école le mercredi. David, lui, va à l’école le mercredi matin. Le mercredi après-midi, il se détend et va jouer au football dans son club. Le jeudi est comme le mardi, on ne fait qu’aller à l’école. Le vendredi, la classe dure toute la journée mais elle est souvent plus courte pour laisser les élèves en week-end plus tôt. La journée est longue pour David qui attend le samedi toute la semaine. Le samedi, il dispute des matchs de football avec son club dans le cadre de compétitions régionales. Le dimanche, il se repose... et en profite... pour faire ses… dude why are you staring at me like that?”

“Oh… am I?”

“Hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm.” (Dreamy eyes. He is drunk.)

“No I am not!”

“Bois-toi à mort, pédé!”

“You are not even helping fat ass! You just sit there this whole damn time doing nothing but munching your bag of fucking chips!”

“Well I have no intentions of being a disability coach anyway! Va te faire foutre, je rentre chez moi.”

“Great! Go home, connard! Give me a minute, let me go get some water. You want some coffee, Stan? To wake you up?”

“Yeah… sure… thanks a lot.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (He is super cute.)

“He is… I mean what?”

“Hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Don’t act, not when you are drunk. You are shit at it even when you are sober.)

“I don’t… I don’t…”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Just admit it. I think he is hot, and I am never ashamed of it.)

“You think anyone with two legs is hot…”

“Hmm hmm… hmm hmm… hmm hmm… hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm… hmm, hmm hmm.” (Do it… do it… do it… where is the dictionary… look, say this.)

“No I am not saying it!”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm hmm hmm!” (Goddamn you will! You are prepared!)

“I am back. Your coffee.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Stan has something to say to you.)

“No! No! He is lying.”

“Spill it. We have to keep going, the test is tomorrow.”

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm.” (Just listen to his words. Oh and he would have to whisper to you.)

“What? Why?”

“Because… I don’t… just come closer so I can get it out!”

“Why…?”

“JUST LET ME SAY IT!” 

“Hmm hmm hmm.” (Just do it.)

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Hahaha…”

“Hmm.” (Awww.)

“It’s pronounced ‘Je t'aime’, and je t'aime aussi, Stan.”

“...Ah.” 

“Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm…” (I think he passed out from that…)


End file.
